


Uninvited

by Cysteine



Category: Carmilla (Web Series) RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 00:56:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8381587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cysteine/pseuds/Cysteine
Summary: This is RPF, Real. Person. Fiction.This is a work of FICTION....this is inspired from my Negovanman feels and is my personal perspective on it.





	1. Season 1

**Author's Note:**

> "Uninvited" is an Alanis Morisette song featured in the movie City of Angels.

When Natasha auditioned for the role, she knew she was in trouble.  _ If I get cast, that’s my Laura. _

When they have been called back to audition together, the chemistry was perfect. The filming for season 1 went by in the blink of an eye. It wasn't until the final day of shooting that they got to filming their first kiss.  _ It was one thing to rehearse lines together, but to actually kiss this woman? _

Elise didn't see what Natasha did.  _ She never would. _

"Hey, are you nervous?” Elise asked. 

Nat tried shaking her head and playing it cool, but she never really could around her. This precocious pescaterian was her kryptonite.

“It's just my first time.” She muttered, glancing at the stand-ins as they did a final check on the lighting.

“First time kissing a girl?” Elise asked, having forgotten that Nat had mentioned she had dated a girl before. She had a boyfriend currently, which probably read as ‘straight’ in the other girl’s eyes.

“No, I mean for film.” She used to have stage fright when first began to sing opera. Kissing Elise was like that all over again, but worse.

“I'm certain you'll be fine, it's my first time, too.” Elise shrugged it off as Nat avoided hyperventilating.

She didn’t have the heart to explain why it was so hard for her. _Because we’re co-workers and we’re supposed to be professional, Nat._

Apparently Elise noticed and decided to puff up her cheeks like a chipmunk to cheer Natasha up.

It cracked the raven-haired actress up while the director Spencer gave the lighting crew a thumbs up.

"Did anyone tell you you make a cute monkey?”

“What do you mean what? I was being a chipmunk.” Elise retorted.

Spencer called them back to their positions once the lights checked out.

"Okay, Sharon, are you ready to carry Natasha in?”

They film _The Scene_ together, and naturally their first kiss threw Elise off of her lines, so Natasha went ahead and ad-libbed by kissing her again. Nat knew that the scene was ruined, but she couldn't help herself. They would have to do this again.

 _ _Yay.__  
   
“We’re almost over time, people!” Steph called out before whispering to Spencer. “We’re going to have to pay the crew overtime soon and be _over budget._ ”

Spencer held up a finger as he reviewed that last take. Steph fidgeted nervously as he called Jordan over to watch it. A few more seconds go by as Natasha realized that something had happened.

"Actually, we're going to go with it and... that's a wrap folks.” Spencer said, making the entire cast and crew applause.

 

* * *

 

Matt was much more observant than his character was they watched Elise ride her bike home from the wrap up party.

“Are you going to be okay Nat?”

She put on her best fake smile so she could thank him for his concern, saying that she was just fine.  _ I never realized how good of an actress I would have to be. _

It would be a few weeks of short interviews with the Gay Women Channel and everyone commented on the amazing chemistry together. Off-camera, Adriana asked if their chemistry translated into something a bit  _ more real _ .

Natasha’s face closed down into her neutral smile as Elise answered for the pair of them.

“Oh, we’re just friends.”

One of the lines that Elise said in the show was “I know that you didn’t do it for me.” It seemed fitting that Elise was as naive and unobservant as her counterpart Laura was.

Elise was surprised at how convincing their first stage kiss was.

Natasha knew better.

 

* * *

 

It was barely a month later when she got the call that she had both hoped and dreaded. They got to come back for a Christmas special, and they were 80% certain they would get a season two. She got to play the part of Elise’s - Laura’s - girlfriend.

Nat did her best to stay professional, despite having to be cuddly on Elise.  _ It was just a job, period. _

After the wrap-up, it was strongly suggested to her to downplay any personal relationships (read as: her boyfriend) in order to keep the fans interested in them as a couple that they could market. It seemed disingenuous to flirt with the idea that they might be dating in real life when she knew that Elise did not even see her at all in that way.

Her boyfriend did not like the deception, and before long he realized that her heart belongs to someone else. Natasha cried herself to sleep for a week, having lost someone over a stupid, unrequited crush.

As season two was beginning, Natasha and Elise were approached for movie together ‘Just as friends though’, and she had an upcoming contact with the rebranding of VervegirlTV. It felt like she had really made it as an actress and had a deeply loyal fan base

At the cost of the one thing she wanted most.


	2. Season 2

As they did promotional shots and gave a tour of the Darling Mansion, Natasha couldn’t help but laugh at the cape-like outfit that she would have to wear as Carmilla.

Elise elbowed her playfully at it. “I swear, it’s like I don’t know where you stop and Carmilla begins sometimes.” She starts to change in front of her as she’s putting on an animal-print top for some promotional shots as Nat is directed to put on a leather jacket and to look every bit of a hungry, lust-filled vampire.

Elise wore flowy skirts, Laura was adorkable in jeans and whatever crazy top she stole raiding the house next door. She chuckled as she remembered the script for season two actually said that Carmilla would raid dorm rooms on campus for herself and Laura.

Sharon, Matt, and Kaitlyn made faces at the pair as they got into place for their photoshoot. Multiple times they had a stage hand check the temp of the lights before they were even posed the first time.

“How come you didn’t do Kaitlyn’s gin-terviews?” Elise asked as the photographer asked for more powder to be put onto Nat's face.

“I um… don’t like the idea of drinking on camera.”

_I don’t want to lose control and say the wrong thing… like the truth._

“Well, you could just pretend to drink, or have water…”

Natasha emotionally retreated into herself. “Just… please respect my wishes.”

The photoshoot went perfectly as Carmilla seemed to take over and Nat just checked out for the whole ordeal.

The photographer said that Natasha perfected the broody vampire look that could grace any romance novel. That it really conveyed the ‘unrequited love’ look.

Elise broke into a grin. “Really? Because we’re actually dating. I mean, Laura and Carmilla are. Not us.” She ended with a friendly chuckle, pointing between the pair of them.

“I think I need some fresh air.” Nat said as she stepped outside. Shannon and Matt were smoking while Aaron looked at their new forehead tattoos.

“Okay, wow, Vordenberg’s mark is pretty big.” Nat chuckled as a crew member came out with a camera.

“Okay, can you guys..?” Matt laughed as he tried to look natural posing for a picture while covering up his forehead.

The guys went back in, leaving Matt and Natasha alone. Nat pulled the cigarette from her friend’s fingers and took in a long draw.

“That bad in there?” He asked as Natasha raised her face to the sun and exhaled the cloud of smoke, imagining it was all of her stress leaving her instead.

“Yeap. Apparently I’m the perfect brooding vampire trope, complete with unrequited love.”

“Ouch. At least it’s just a week. Want to run lines with me tonight?”

Nat sighed, taking another drag. “Can’t. Promised Elise I’d work with her.”

Matt took his cigarette back. “You’re punishing yourself at this point, you know.”

She knew.

 

* * *

 

That evening, rehearsing lines with Elise was… bittersweet. Her cigarette breath helped keep a healthy distance, but Elise’s yoga poses just made Nat’s mind wander into dangerous territory.

“What happened to Charles?” She asked during one break.

“We broke up; it wasn’t working out.” Natasha huffed off-handedly. “Plenty of fish and all that.”

Elise strained as she switched to her next position, making Nat clench her jaw shut rather than have it on the floor. “Well, his loss, then. Whoever you date should be able to handle you at your best and worst.”

_It was so easy to fall back into friendly banter with her._

“Monkey, I’m not taking dating advice from Miss never-been-kissed.”

“I too have been-”

“-I don’t count!” Nat replied, the truth of her statement a dagger to her chest.

“Well, I’m young and focused on my career. Besides, Jordan had a point. We’re more marketable together than apart.”

Nat looked away, looking for her script as an excuse to wipe at her eyes. “Let’s get back to our lines.”

 

* * *

 

Rehearsing the breakup dialogue was one thing, but to do it on camera in one take? Natasha needed a drink that night. Or ten.

“I'm doing this because I'd like to think that you could love me instead of some romantic ideal you've made up in your head.”

_I love you, Elise._

“Romantic ideal?” Elise replied as Laura, and Carmilla said her lines while Natasha’s emotions seeped through to the surface.

_You don’t love me._

“Is that what you think of me?” Natasha’s vulnerability came through perfectly. She didn’t know where she started and Carmilla ended anymore.

“You can't expect all of that to just evaporate because I love you.”

Natasha/Carmilla looked at Elise. Really looked at her.

_...because I love you..._

Elise was in character as Laura. She is just doing the scene, but the words cut deeper than anything because they feel so real.

“If you really loved me then you'd stay… I need you to be the kind of person that helps and...fights.”

Natasha looked away, knowing this was just the scene.

“You haven't listened to a single word I've said.”

Except that these words had to ring true inside her own soul.

“I'm done.”

Natasha got up and stormed her way off set, ignoring Elise calling out her name. _Carm, not Natasha._

She was glad that she didn’t have to re-shoot that scene and had to quickly collect herself before going back to wardrobe and the next scene.

 

* * *

 

As they did the montage sequence, Matt was holding Natasha's hand as the crew laughed downstairs.

“They couldn’t find a spoon, so Elise grabbed a pie server and just ran with it.” Annie said with a shrug as she wasn’t in this scene either. She looked at the hand holding and cocked an eyebrow.

Matt’s facial expression said everything as Annie gasped in surprise.

“Natasha, you haven’t-”

“No.” Nat replied, dabbing the corner of her eye with a tissue. “Elise doesn’t know. Well, she knows about Charles now.”

Matt frowned at that. “Well if she knows about Charles, then how-”

“-she doesn’t know _why_ Charles dumped me. Let’s keep it that way.”

 

* * *

 

 

That evening, Natasha had everything set up for Elise to come over and practice lines before the next day of shooting. She remembered her pescetarian diet and had the food being delivered on her home. She had everything planned out.

Except for Elise’s abrupt cancellation.

“I thought this was our thing for filming week?”

_You should be glad she’s not coming over tonight. It just hurts you more this way._

“Yeah, well, I kind of maybe sort of have plans with the boom operator tonight.”

_Ugh, he’s not even cute._

Natasha reminded herself for the hundredth time that Elise hasn’t dated before, and that she’s never divulged her orientation.

_Except now I know she likes men. Figures she’s straight._

When she got home, she threw the food immediately away.

 

* * *

 

 

It was time to film episode 30; Natasha knew she’d have to channel grief and rage together as Mattie had just been killed.

_Elise is straight._

Spencer said ‘action’ and Carmilla rose to the front and lashed out when Natasha couldn’t.

“All those memories.”

_All those rehearsals._

“All that life to end like this- _For what?_ ”

She had to look Elise in the eyes, see her fake tears, and keep shredding through.

“For you?”

Nat had to hand it to her, Elise was good. She almost thought Elise was actually sad over her.

“Carm, please-”

_That perfect kiss that was a lie, that made Charles leave me._

Natasha let her voice shift, venting her bitchy feelings about how she had to keep everything restrained as she cheated towards the camera.

“Be good for me, Carmilla. _Change for me, Carmilla._ Burn down _everything_ ** _you've ever loved_** for me, Carmilla.”

 _Don’t cry._ Natasha reminded herself that Spencer didn’t want Carmilla to cry here.

“That's not fair- I didn't ask you for any of this-”

Nat turned back to face Elise, honest rage pouring through her eyes that even Matt nearly lost character there.

 _Shit I turned my back too much to the_   _camera!_

“ **STAY AWAY FROM ME!** The next one of you who comes near me, _I swear to God_ , **I WILL KILL.** ”

Natasha had to remind herself that she had to exit upstage right, around Elise.

It took all of her restraint to do it perfectly and was rewarded with a loud applause after Spencer’s cut.

Natasha kept walking and slammed the backdoor of the house as she had to regain her composure.

Elise chased after her, a giant grin on her face. “Oh my god, Nat, you were awesome! How did you-” Her face fell as she still saw Carmilla in Natasha’s face.

Annie came out and tapped El on the shoulder. “Hey, they need you back in there. We’re on a schedule.”

Elise nodded distractedly as she went back in. Annie and Nat shared the knowing look.

“Uh… thanks Annie.” Natasha nodded back towards the set. “Did they really need her yet?”

Annie sat down on the back steps. “Well, you needed her not here right now. You wanna talk about it?"

"I just got into the moment, that's all." Nat said off-handedly.

"You were off-mark and nearly forgot your exit." Annie smiled sadly at the actress. "And you're still fighting back tears that weren't called for in the script."

"God, does everyone know?" Natasha asked, choking back tears.

"Just Matt and me. Kaitlyn and Aaron are wondering about it, but they are also bro-mancing with Sharon, who is just as oblivious."

"Are Sharon and Kait a thing now?" Nat wondered how long it would take for them to finally get there.

"Your guess is as good as mine. Take some advice; get over her. Get under someone else if you have to, but treat this faux romance you two have to convey for the fans like any other job. You're supposed to _act_ like you might like her. Carmilla can love Laura, but _Natasha_ is supposed to play the maybe angle."

"It's not maybe." Nat confessed, the tears finally rolling down her cheeks.

"It needs to be; if you pursue this, and it winds up horribly, you're going to lose your fan base. And it will destroy any last shred of chemistry you two have on screen together. You remember David Boreanaz and Sarah Michelle Gellar, right?"

It was a well-circulated rumor that their on screen chemistry flopped soon after Boreanaz left the show for his spinoff, and their attempts to have crossovers only made it worse.

Natasha had to rip her own heart out in order to preserve her friendship and career with Elise.

_And then fake-flirt like a whore does with Johns._


	3. Season 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You will think me cruel, very selfish, but love is always selfish; the more ardent the more selfish. How jealous I am you cannot know. You must come with me, loving me, to death; or else hate me, and still come with me, and hating me through death and after. There is no such word as indifference in my apathetic nature." -J. Sheridan Le Fanu

It became second nature to her now; to hold Elise's hand and to gaze lovingly at her friend's lips while she beamed back at her platonically. She didn't have Elise over like she used to, which was good because she went through hockey players as they wouldn't be savvy to online lesbian shows.

At one point, she had to quit a bartending gig because some creampuff had the nerve to stalk her and post the information online.

_I'm still a human being, people!_

She found herself talking to herself a lot more, and the speech patterns of the voice in her head was less Natasha and more Carmilla every day. It didn't really bother her, as the character was someone that resounded well with her, except for that pesky affection towards the tiny straight pescatarian.

 _Almost Adults_ was fully filmed and she enjoyed getting out of her typecast role of lesbian vampire. Cassie was a straight girl, and her kinship to Mackenzie was entirely platonic.

When Winny showed up to play Elise's love interest Elliot, it took a few takes before it looked convincing. At the end of the first day of shooting, Elise was talking with Sarah and Adrianna when Winny pulled Natasha aside and out of earshot.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?" Nat asked, her inner Carmilla voice going paranoid.

_Shit she knows! She knows you love Elise and wants to know how you can put up with this role as her bff!_

"The chemistry between you and Elise; it's... magnetic. Like you're always drawn towards her." Winny bit her lip at that. "I feel so wooden next to her."

"We've just around each other so long, it's kind of second nature." Natasha hedged, realizing that maybe her cover wasn't blown after all.

"Yeah, Elise and I were supposed to do this kiss as a promotional shot, but..." She shrugged at that. "...maybe you're right. I meshed well with the cast in _'Til Lease Do Us Part._ "

"It'll just take time, I guess." 

Winny scoffed at that. "Take her time is what I should tell Elise; she pretty much attacked my mouth with her tongue."

Natasha chuckled at that. "Yeah, she's like a drunk frat boy playing spin the bottle for the first time."

Nat froze up as Winny suddently grabbed her arm in realization. "Whoa, you're right. She kisses like..." she trails off, arching an eyebrow up at the raven haired actress. "Like a straight boy would."

_She learned to kiss from kissing boys._

The Carmilla in her head couldn't help herself as advice came out of Nat's mouth. 

"Yeah, before you have to kiss on camera, eat some garlic. It may take a second or third take, but she'll learn quickly."

Winny looked at her in surprise. "Really? Is that how-"

"I only play a lesbian vampire on TV." Nat said with a casual shrug, going home and preparing for yet another interview about the feature movie where she's  _not_ playing Elise's love interest, despite every internet rumor saying the opposite.

 

* * *

 

The time away from the  _Carmilla_ set helped Natasha re-establish a 'friendzone' in the sense that Jordan wrote for the awkward Kirsch/Danny bromance. Despite her constant heartache, she really did like the show writers.

When Natasha got to the first script reading, she was stunned to see Enrico Colantoni rehearsing lines with Elise.

 _I guess they are taking the Lauronica Mars thing up to 11._  

"Natasha!" Jordan called out in welcoming, making the resident lesbian vampire turn to face her. Sharon was beside her, a knowing smile on her face.

 _Right, big red's now big black and among the fanged._  

Natasha idly wondered how healthy it was to have Carmilla 'on' 24/7 in her head.

"Jordan, so glad to be back." 

"Is KindaTV keeping you busy?"

Nat gave a gallant shrug. "Don't they always?"

"Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you about, see, this year we're doing extra content a little differently..." Nat tuned out for most of it, knowing that she'd get it spelled out in yet another contract and script put before her.

"...so just keep up the good work and that amazing chemistry between you two ladies, and we'll see about doing a spin-off movie."

 _Spin-off movie?_   

Natasha had thought that one more week of filming this show would be it; that and maybe a few product-placement videos to please the executives at U by Kotex.

She was in for a much longer haul than expected.

 

* * *

 

"Okay Kaitlyn, seriously? Did you miss your cue to be onstage by 30 seconds just so Elise and I would be stuck making out on set?"

They shrugged apologetically. "Sorry, but... it didn't look like you minded it."

Natasha closed her eyes and took a very deliberate breath. "Not the point; just... don't do that again." 

The set was getting redressed while everyone else was listening to Enrico talk about working with Kristen Bell.

"It's true, isn't it? You love Elise."

Nat scoffed at the suggestion in a very Carmilla-esque fashion. "I'm playing a role, nothing more."

"Yeah, but where does the role end and you begin? I know I had a bit of an identity crisis when I was questioning my gender identity and playing LaFontaine, but that's a fictional character." They looked at Natasha with real concern. "When this is over, you need a break from the whole _Carmilla_ thing."

"We might be getting a movie." She replied regretfully.

"Oh. Natasha? Will you be okay?" They asked, uncertain how to comfort their coworker.

"Yeah, I will be. It's just Elise is so... you know?"

"I know," Kaitlyn replied, "before every day of filming, she'd come give me 'human hugs'. I'm going to miss that tradition now."

Nat understood what they meant as she needed a change of subject. 

"You and Sharon were amazing in Couple-ish." Carmilla was talking now. "That cliffhanger, though..."

Kaitlyn grinned at that. "Yeah, we went with 50% Joss Whedon rather than going for bullet-to-the-heart approach." They looked at her again, and the grin collapsed as this time they really peered in. "Which one of you said that?"

"Useless lesbian vampire here." Carmilla shrugged nervously. "Don't uh... don't tell anyone. I don't want to get locked up."

"I get that. You can keep Carm as your... inner patronus or whatever, but you gotta let Elise go. For your own good."

Nat and Carm agreed with them, vowing to take at least a month off after they finished filming Season 3.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't even 48 hours before Elise was curled up against Natasha, fast asleep in the middle of what was supposed to be the wrap party. Gin and vodka were on hand, and it didn't take much to knock her out. Nat gently shook her friend awake, desperately trying to memorize her face one last time before it was all over.

"Party oll..over?" Elise slurred, yawning way too big for such a small human.

"Yeah; you were quite the party monster. I'll drive you home."

Elise waved the offer away, struggling to get up. "I'll be fine; just..." she yawned again, looking around with bleary eyes, "where'ssss muh bike?"

Natasha stood and gave her friend a hand up. "Nope. I'll drive you home and bring you back for your bike in the morning."

"Okay." Elise curled up against Natasha as she lead the pair of them out to the parking lot, Nat having to prop her friend up against the car and open the passenger door for her.

"Did you ever hear that Gay Aunt Barb video? Fifthy shades of creampuff?" Elise asked as Natasha buckled her in before closing the passenger door, making her away around to the driver's seat.

"Yeah; we watched it together and you wondered if it was a real fanfic or not." Natasha had read through the stories, and couldn't help but picture herself as Carmilla.

_The kinky sex could be fun, but Armitage as a gender queer assigned female at birth person? Also, I don't share._

_Shut up,_ Nat told Carm in her head as she decided to just drive Elise back to her place.

"I uh, read the first one; it _terrible_ ending." Elise replied, head lolling to the side. "I'd have made it happy ending."

A dull ache hit her heart as forced herself to not think of herself and Elise as a couple.

 _It's never going to happen, Karnstein._  

Nat got Elise home, helped her up the stairs and plopped her friend onto her bed, only bothering to take her friend's shoes off before covering them with a sheet. 

"Goodnight, Hollis."

"Goodnight, Carmilla."

 

* * *

 

Filming the movie turned out to be low stress, as the schedule wasn't as tightly packed as before. The fashion department got a handle on how the characters would dress 5 years later, and Kaitlyn absolutely loved their eye prosthesis.

Even though Carmilla wasn't a vampire anymore, they kept her trademark sass from season one. 

The line between Nat and Carm would take a long time to un-blur, but it didn't matter. Laura wasn’t real and Elise was convinced that Nat's flirting was all second nature now. 

As filming ended, Natasha made a decision that Carmilla wouldn't like. 

"This will be the last FanExpo I do."

Elise looked heartbroken as Matt, Sharon, Annie, and Kaitlyn nodded in understanding. 

"But we do those press junkets and panels together. They _want_ Nat and Elise together!"

_That's the problem. Gotta be cruel to be kind, Nat._

"Yeah, well, pair up with Sharon. Fans will ship that, too."

"Where is this coming from? I thought we were friends, Natasha!" Nat could hear Elise's heart rending in her voice. 

_We're beyond friends. Our lives are intrinsically linked, which has been both a blessing and a curse._

"We are. Sorry, monkey, but I have to do this."

"But I - Nat -"

Natasha smiled and said sad farewells to the rest of the cast; they all knew why this was happening even as tears rolled down Elise's cheeks. 

Kaitlyn placed a reassuring hand on Elise's shoulder, making the cute pescatarian curl into them and cry harder. 

"Why is she doing this, Kait?"

"We all have to move on. Her most of all."

Natasha turned and began walking away, and it took the strength of Carmilla to not turn back. 

"But I need you..."

"No, you really don't." Carmilla's vocal fry was all over that. 

" _I love you!_ " Elise called out, halting Natasha and Carmilla. 

"I have been in love with no one, and never shall," Natasha whispered, "unless it should be with you."

Carmilla pushed Natasha to keep walking, to get in her car, and to block Elise's number for at least the next month. 

Natasha started the car, pulled away, and let the floodgates down as she left a _Carmilla_ set for the last time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Dearest, your little heart is wounded; think me not cruel because I obey the irresistible law of my strength and weakness; if your dear heart is wounded, my wild heart bleeds with yours. In the rapture of my enormous humiliation I live in your warm life, and you shall die--die, sweetly die--into mine. I cannot help it; as I draw near to you, you, in your turn, will draw near to others, and learn the rapture of that cruelty, which yet is love; so, for a while, seek to know no more of me and mine, but trust me with all your loving spirit."  
> -J. Sheridan Le Fanu


End file.
